How to Make Friends as a Lonely Mom
Becoming a mom has been the best, most life-giving experience of my life. I heard God’s call to me because I had my son; as bad things happened in my life, I knew that there had to be a better way to raise him. I knew that I wanted and needed a different trajectory for my family. And God told me there was a better way. And I am so very grateful and thankful for that.
But with how wonderful it is to be a mother, it can also be extremely lonely. And for a long time, I didn’t even know how to make friends as a lonely mom.
This post may contain affiliate links. Learn more here.
How to Make Friends as a Lonely Mom
After my oldest was born, I completely changed my entire lifestyle. Originally, I planned to return to work; we were living two states away from family, and we needed my income. But God had other plans, and He answered a prayer for me that I wanted but never had the courage to ask. He provided a way for me to stay home with our kids.
A month after my son was born, we packed up, sold our home, and moved back closer to my family. With these changes, I was able to stay home full-time while my husband provided for us financially. But also with these changes came extreme loneliness.
I am an introverted homebody, and it can be extremely difficult for me to leave my house and meet people. So being in a new town, with a new baby and no job to go to, I would spend most days alone without any adult interaction until nighttime when my husband finally got home.
And now, years later, I find myself in the same situation. We moved to a new state in the middle of a global shutdown, so meeting new people is now layered with added obstacles. It can seem like making friends now isn’t even worth the hassle.
But it is worth it, and we can look to scripture for evidence and guidance on why and how to make friends as a lonely mom.
Recognize your need for companionship.
Jesus needed people in his life to share his burdens with, and so do we. Open your heart to the possibilities of doing life with others and recognize that need and desire in yourself.
Matthew 26:37-38:
37 And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.”
Jesus was full of sorrow, and he wanted people by his side, with him during that time. It only makes sense that we want the same for our lives.
Pray, and give the results to God.
Whatever situation we are facing, we should start with prayer. Go to God with your loneliness. Bare your heart, letting Him know how you are feeling and what results you would like to see. And then give it to Him and thank Him for the results, no matter what they may be.
Many times, the answer to our prayers doesn’t come in the way we think it will. So get rid of your expectations in the beginning, and be thankful for God’s provision.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Take the first step.
As with everything else in life, you probably need to get out of your comfort zone to get things done. For some, this can be extremely difficult; others may have no problem getting out and trying new things.
If taking the first step is difficult for you, my suggestion is to start small: leave your home when you’re used to staying in; go to the MOPS meeting; join the playdate; or even just talk to another mom at the playground. All of these are practical things you can do to take the first step in meeting people.
Deuteronomy 31:8:
8 It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
Serve one another in love.
Jesus did not come to this earth to be served, but to serve (Mark 10:45). And we are called to do the same.
True friendship doesn’t come from small talk or superficial relationships. Deep, meaningful relationships are built when people are committed to serving one another in times of need.
As you get to know others, look for ways to serve them.
Text them when you haven’t heard from them in a while; bring over a meal after a baby is born or a loved one passes; watch their kids when they have an appointment they need to get to.
I’m not saying to not establish healthy boundaries for yourself, but you should be there for others in the same way you hope someone else will be there for you. And here’s the biggest caveat: don’t expect the same in return. Serve others out of your love for them, not out of expectations from them. It’s only in this way that you will find true community and deep relationships.
Galatians 5:13:
13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Be life-giving.
Have you ever been around a person that physically taxes you? A person you feel drained around? Me too. Those people are not life-giving, and if you want to build strong relationships, you need to be a life-giving friend.
Not everything can be about you. You need to pour into others. Ask about their day without turning the conversation back to you. Share relevant experiences without judgment. Truly listen to what someone else is saying without trying to fix the situation for them. And lovingly point them back to their savior when their eyes are staring instead at the world.
Proverbs 11:25:
25Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.
Hold confidences close.
Gossip is one of the worst poisons for true friendship. If a friend tells you something in confidence, it is your responsibility to keep that information to yourself.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t seek help. Sometimes, some things are too big and too important to not seek outside counsel. In these cases, encourage your friend to seek counsel from a trusted or professional source, such as a pastor or therapist. In some cases, you may need to do the same.
This is very different from spreading gossip. Know the difference and act in the best interest of those around you.
Proverbs 16:28:
28A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
Thank God for the results, no matter what they are.
God provides, even when things don’t look the way we think they should. Remember that you could be exactly the friend someone else needs, even if they aren’t the friend that you need. So be that friend for others, and trust that God will provide for you exactly what you need.
Ephesians 5:20:
20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ
We are living in an extremely lonely world, divided for so many reasons. But this is not God’s will for us. He designed us to live in true community with one another, and it is up to us to take the steps to learn how to make friends as a lonely mom. I’m right there with you, searching for true friendship in such a lonely time. I trust that God will provide for me in this area, and I trust that He will do the same for you.
Blessings friend.
